The ex-boy called tonight. Why do I let him get to me like this? I mean, I know we're still friends and all, but god knows our relationship was disastrous enough, and every time he calls I think that dating him was kind of nice. I remember how helpful he was when my grandmother died, and how we spent that one New Year's Eve driving around Atlanta completely lost and thinking it was the funniest thing that ever happened to anyone, and the times he made me laugh so hard I cried. Then I spend an hour beating myself up about wanting to go back out with him and remembering the bad parts of our relationship and my complete inability to deal with the shit of a long-distance relationship. Maybe I just want to like him because there's no other boy in my immediate future. And there's not. I only like boys who aren't in the least interested in me. I think I'm just trying to avoid a relationship entirely. What sort of mechanism is this?