Piracy:

So, if anyone missed the thing on the History Channel where they taught people to fight like pirates (also known as the most awesome thing I saw on TV about two weeks ago), they're rerunning it this week. It's called Conquest, and I think it's on Wednesday, but I'm too lazy to go to the History Channel website and look it up. But you should watch it. If you going to be on my pirate ship that preys on cruise ships (my newest career plan-- I'm so getting a parrot, too), you have to be able to fight like a pirate. And you know you want to be on my pirate ship.

I admit, I don't quite know how this is going to work. What with the Zamboni driving and the pirate ship, how am I going to have time for the tequila shack in Mexico?