So I'm having calc tutorial this afternoon (right now in fact). So far, the only person who's shown up is in a different section of the class, but her TA wasn't there.

OK, this might actually be better than the Fighting Foodons. Though it's close. I love the Japanese.

I'm back from CBI. We won. Go us!

I'm also suffering from a bit of existential angst regarding what to do with the rest of my life. For the past two years, I've basically been planning on going to graduate school in pure math and then figuring out whether I want to work for the government or in academia. And now? Well, now I'm not sure that I want to go through another five years of school. I just don't know if I want the PhD. that much. I've been doing some research into what one can do with a BA in math, and it seems like not very much. NASA will hire Aerospace Technicians with just a BA, and math fits the education requirements, but I'm not really qualified for any job like that, I don't think. I've thought about graduate school in engineering, or maybe taking some more physics, but I don't think that's what I want to do either. So, what am I going to do with my life? Anyone?

I just finished reading this article in the New York Times about the stampede at E2, the club in Chicago. There are a couple of things about the article that made me really mad. One was Jackson's intention to sue the city for the incident on behalf of the victims, even though his support helped keep the club open. I don't think the city was particularly negligent in this case. They inspected the building, knew it wasn't up to code, and issued a ruling saying that the part that wasn't up to code whould be shut down. They probably should have tried to make sure the ruling was enforced, but had they inspected the building, ten minutes after the investigators left, the second floor could be reoccupied. There wasn't really very much they could do. Also, Jackson keeps insisting that he didn't know about the court order, implying that the city should have publicised it more. But Jackson knew the club had been having problems with building inspectors before; that's why he spearheaded a campaign to help out the club and its owner. You think that before he would start this campaign, he would look into the allegations of the city (and, you know, read the building inspector's report) before jumping to the club owner's defense on the off chance that the city was in the right. This is also a direct quote from C.L. Sparks, who works for Jackson: "There is a conspiracy against black business owners. For them to be open, somebody let them be open and somebody knew." Right. The city really was planning to discredit the owner of some two-bit club on the near South Side by planning a stampede. Because it doesn't make the city look bad or anything. The owner of the club kept the club open after being told it was unsafe because he could make money from it. Plain and simple, that's what happened. The city wasn't conspiring against black business owners. If I were the city of Chicago (which I admit would be difficult), I'd sue Mr Sparks for libel.

Oh my God am I out of shape. I went to play broomball with Henderson last night (we lost 0-1) and ran around on the ice for 15 minutes. I had the fun experience of hearing "What's her name? Good shot, you!" yelled at me lots of times. I wish I knew people in the House this year. But yeah. Anyway, after that I was kind of keyed up and I decided to run home. Yes, you heard me: run. It was maybe 3/4 of a mile, and I'm being charitable. So I ran. And made it three and a half blocks. Which is 7/16 of a mile for you non Chicagoans. I rested and walked another block, and then ran another two blocks. At the end of all this, I sounded like I had just tried to run a marathon after spending the last ten years of my life on a respirator that pumped nicotine into my lungs 24 hours a day. I could barely make it up the two flights of stairs to my room. Sitting here about 40 minutes later, I still have a bad feeling in my stomach though my breathing is a lot better. I have to go work out.

Also, I remembered part of why I don't run. It isn't just the bad feeling I get in my lungs. It's the fact that, for some completely inexplicable reason, creepy guys seem to find me really attractive when I'm running. I don't understand. Is it the lack of boobs caused by the sports bra, the oh-so-styling Adidas pants, the bright red face, the frizzy hair, the sweat? What is it? Cause it seems like almost every time I run outside of the gym, I get some wolf whistles from someone and I don't understand why. Can any guys explain it to me?

Eww.

Wow, I did significantly better on my ODE midterm than I had any right to. You know, I knid of wish at some point my massive procrastination would bite me in the ass at least a little. As it is, why shouldn't I procrastinate?

Broomball, the best game in the whole world, is tonight. Come watch us at the ice rink on the Midway at 9:00.

I went to Will and Maggie's party Saturday night. It was a lot of fun, even though there were a bunch of people there no one seemed to know. It's OK, though, Maggie didn't bust out with the orange juice until after they left. Afterwards about four of us went to the UT cast part at 54th and Harper. The party was kind of eh, but the apartment was gorgeous. It had a two story foyer, wall-to-wall carpeting, and lots of space. The party had a live band, which was cool, but they were pretty bad and made up for that by being as loud as they possibly could. You had to retreat into a corner to talk to anyone. Maggie and I continued our trend by staying for about ten minutes, long enough to make one circuit of the party. Why do we always do that? Are we that antisocial?

I am about to go over to CAPS to type my application for the State Department. On an actual typewriter. I predict that it will take me three hours to type four pages.

Joe Millionaire is on tonight!

Arrggh, I'm tired. Why do I get so tired? I used to be able to get by on 4-5 hours of sleep every night. Am I already getting old?

I just got an email from RealityTVWantsYou, telling me about casting calls in my area and trying to convince me that they have the tips that will get me onto the reality shows. I was talking to Maggie, and she suggested being on a reality show (not Joe Millionaire... shut up!) would be a way cooler summer job than math research. She has a point.

I got jury duty again. I've only been able to vote for two and a half years and this is the third time I've gotten jury duty. Apparently, there's some sort of preffing for my name. Maybe they prefer names of evil geniuses from literature, or names that telemarketers can't pronounce, or names of four or more syllables, or something. Or maybe the fact that I've never actually served my jury duty has something to do with it.

My new favorite link: Learn Latin. Does anyone else know how to conjugate agricola from Dead Poets' Society? Nope, just me then... I guess I should stop watching so much TV.

In other news, my country has been downgraded to an "inoffensive centrist democracy." Damn you, nationstates!

Yayy, the paper's done as of 9:27 AM. And it's a whole hour early. Go me!

I read this and thought it was pretty funny. Maybe now you'll understand my views on JM:-)

"It has been with some dismay that I have been reading the posts in this thread. Surely, I cannot have been the only one who saw this episode for what it really is – a masterpiece, combining literary, philosophical and spiritual ingredients to create a steaming bowl of delicious, metaphorical gnocchi?

Seeing all of Sarah’s efforts up to this point, neatly summarized through a clever series of segues and flashbacks, we realize that we are seeing a Machiavellian master at work. Question: in order to achieve and retain power, is it better to practice virtue or vice? Sarah knows the answer – and she spells it s-l-u-r-p.

And what of virtuous, virginal Zora? I may not be Catholic, but even I was set to trembling when the Angel Gabriel (nee Paul) summoned Zora to the Grand Salon. And gentle Zora meekly bowed her head; to me be as it pleaseth Evan, she said.

But most moving of all is the plight of our troubled protagonist. Which path to take – that of Sarah, which is easy yet evil; or the Good road of Zora, involving sacrifices of the flesh for the sake of the eternal soul? The decision torments him: he can’t sleep, finds himself confessing to strangers, and is driven to walking aimlessly, not knowing where to go, but unwilling to return to the horrifying truth of what he has done. Truly, Dostoyevsky himself could not have crafted a nobler anti-hero than the one we call Joe Millionaire.

The program was so high-minded that, were it not for the numerous commercial interruptions, I may have thought I was watching public television. But even the commercials were enlightening – I had no idea “Sweet Home Alabama” was now available on video AND dvd.

So, Bravo! Fox Network. Kudos to all involved in this masterwork. I can only pray that this magic can be sustained through another two hours of Joe Millionaire.

And of course, we can all look forward to the ultimate battle of Good vs. Evil, when Sarah and Zora go at it on Celebrity Boxing."

By new socks on the TWOP boards...

So, the midterm's done. It could have been worse, I suppose. I just realised how little I know about ODE. But whatever.

I finished my application for the SMALL program at Williams this afternoon. I hope I get in; the projects sound really cool, and I know I don't want to be in Atlanta all summer. If not, I'll probably apply for a program in CA or something.

I guess it's time to stop procrastinating and reading speculation about Joe Millionaire and go write my Civ paper. Andrew was shocked that I hadn't started the paper yet, since it's due tomorrow. I don't know. Isn't about 20 hours plenty long enough to write a 4-5 page paper? I think that, since I've been here three years, I ought to be able to write a B+/A- paper in 20 hours. Isn't that more or less reasonable?

Wow, I just managed to waste an entire Sunday! The only productive thing I did all day was go to the Co-op, which barely counts. I guess I was recovering from NAQT yesterday.

Just got off the phone with Sean who's going to Derry next week to do some research. He raised some interesting questions about the Troubles. Is violence ever justified? Yes, of course. We were justified in destroying the Nazis, the IRA was justified in fighting the Black and Tans in the 1920s, people like Nat Turner and John Brown were justified in raising armies to terrorise slave owners. I think we are justified in fighting to protect our own lives or those of others. But this answer leads to a million more questions, none of which I can answer as easily. I can justify the actions of the IRA in the Irish war for independence because I believe in national self-determination. But, by the same token, national self-determination is what led to the partition of Ireland (I know the British manipulated the voting districts, but I'm not really sure that changes the argument), so the PIRA's actions aren't justified by that argument, at least in my mind. I'm ultimately not sure that civil rights abuses are that bad in the north of Ireland today, and I don't believe that violence should be used to redress past wrongs. But I can see that the Troubles have had a generally positive effect on political and economic freedom for Catholics. Without them, I believe there would still be an all-Protestant Parliament at Stormont, that Catholics would hold no high government offices and would be discriminated against in education and employment. The more or less peaceful street marches of the late 1960s (modelled on American civil rights marches) had little practical effect. But-- the ends don't justify the means, right?

Ironic facts of the day: The British soldiers were deployed in the north of Ireland in 1969 to help defend the Catholics against the Protestants, and were originally welcomed by the Catholic community. It wasn't until Bloody Sunday (30 January 1972) when British soldiers fired on unarmed civil rights marchers that most Catholics opposed their presence.
Also, until Cromwell's time, the province of Ulster was the most "Irish" part of the continent. Barons like Eoghan Ruadh O'Neill led successful campaigns against the English from Ulster, even when the rest of the country was basically pacified and Hugh O'Neill and Hugh O'Donnell also fought the English until 1605.

The ex-boy called tonight. Why do I let him get to me like this? I mean, I know we're still friends and all, but god knows our relationship was disastrous enough, and every time he calls I think that dating him was kind of nice. I remember how helpful he was when my grandmother died, and how we spent that one New Year's Eve driving around Atlanta completely lost and thinking it was the funniest thing that ever happened to anyone, and the times he made me laugh so hard I cried. Then I spend an hour beating myself up about wanting to go back out with him and remembering the bad parts of our relationship and my complete inability to deal with the shit of a long-distance relationship. Maybe I just want to like him because there's no other boy in my immediate future. And there's not. I only like boys who aren't in the least interested in me. I think I'm just trying to avoid a relationship entirely. What sort of mechanism is this?

A story: We decided to go talk to Diane (who's sort of the teaching coordinator for undergrad math) about the fact that ODE is probably the worst class that we've taken at the U of C. Her office is open, so we ask someone else when she'd be back. The person we asked yells out "Diane, some students are here. When will you be back?" We hear a muffled response from behind a door: "As soon as I finish making my soup."

OK, so we wait until I hear: "What are you guys doing here?" shouted down the hallway. She was apparently shocked that we weren't first years trying to drop out of 150s Calculus. We explain our problems with ODE. You know, the fact that we've gotten one homework back with no comments on it, the fact that there's no problem session or solution sets, the fact that the midterm's Tuesday, etc. She gets very, very angry and wants to know why she's only hearing about this in fifth week. We didn't have a good answer, so we let her yell at us for a while, and then she tells us she's leaving, and we should talk to Prof. Sally instead (Sally is the pirate. Also the head of undergrad math. And our former Algebra teacher). He's teaching a class right now, so we wait until he's finished and then accost him in the hall. We recite our litany of complaints, at which point he starts laughing and asks us if we have a book. "Well, yes. But he's not using it to teach out of." So he offers to give us a book. And tells us we won't get screwed by the class, because we're good, whatever that means.

Surreal count in that sequence of events: 5

So again with the website crashing when I was in the middle of posting. This sucks.

I went by Powell's tonight on the way to Will and Maggie's to do math. And of course I picked up a book from the free bin. I'm apparently trying to convince myself that I actually have time to read. Sadly, whenever I sit down to read, I remember that I'm two chapters behind in Civ, or that Joe Millionaire is on, or that I should really go to practice. I've been reading Suetonius for five weeks, and I'm still on Caligula. I wish I could just take a quarter (or a year) off and read. I'm really tempted not to apply for any research positions this summer, so I can go home, work 30 hours a week at the movie theater, and get caught up on my reading. I know I'll be really deadly bored in Atlanta after a month, but it sounds so good right now. Plus, filling out applications is no fun.

Books languishing unread on my shelf:
Eco's _Name of the Rose_
Atwood's _Wilderness Tips_
Bullfinch's _Medieval Mythology_
Ishiguro's _When We Were Orphans_
Kee's _Green Flag_
Borges' _Labyrinths_
Durant's _Story of Civilization_ (_Age of Faith_ onwards)

Uggh, I just finished grading papers for Calc. So, so boring. I'm not even sure it's possible to make integration interesting. It's important, useful, and kind of hard. But interesting? Not so much. I need a new job.

You know, I wrote a long blog about an op-ed piece in the Times and then Blogger lost it(!) So I'll try again. But first, you should read "High Flight" if you haven't already. It's a take on flying from a WWII fighter pilot. It was referenced by Reagan at the funeral of the Challenger astronauts. It was also in an old Bloom County strip parodying Air Force recruitment videos in which the characters pretend to be airplanes. And Opus crashes at the end. It's cute, trust me.

Anyway, the column I wanted to talk about was a Bob Herbert op-ed piece calling the Columbia astronauts the last American heroes. I feel terrible about the explosion and for their families, but isn't this taking revisionist history a bit too far? Herbert credits their courage and idealism, but they aren't the only Americans to exhibit both these qualities. What about the teacher who walks into a classroom in a public high school? Doesn't that take quite a bit of courage and an idealistic view of public education? What about the firefighter who goes into a burning building because he believes that the public good is more important than his own safety? Are these people less courageous or idealistic than shuttle astronauts? This article seemed to trivialize the contributions that these groups of people have made. There's plenty of wonderful things that Herbert could have said about the shuttle astronauts. Why did he have to pick something that was wrong?

So I finally set up a blog. It seems like everyone else is doing it, so I might as well. Ah, the story of my life. You know, I had a blog back in high school, way before it was cool. I _was_ kathleen.blogspot.com. But, sadly, I can't remember the password and no longer have the email address it was linked to, so I can't access it anymore. Doesn't that suck?